I think that its normal for teenagers, especially college aged ones, to feel like they need a new church once they hit high school or once they graduate high school. I think that what I've been going through is perfectly normal.
You see, I've grown up at Alcoa United Methodist Church. They've helped raise me into the woman I am today. They've helped establish my beliefs and welcomed me to God. But one issue I think that comes with being a leader in a church is that I'm not very sure that many, or any for that matter, really know who I am. Ever since my sophomore year of high school I've been leading music. I started out in youth band at the beginning of my sophomore year, then went on to early service on Sunday mornings. Junior and Senior year Zach and I were the youth band leaders. So I've been leading during the most important parts of my transition into adulthood and who I am as a person. Now that I've been through it all, I'm not so sure its really the healthiest thing for most young people.
When you're leading anything in a church you're put on a pedestal. People expect more out of you and expect you to be "perfect" in a sense. Yes, it is even expected of teenagers. If you make mistakes, you get talked about. On occasion someone will come talk to you, but most of the time, the talking goes on behind your back. And before I go on I want to say that I'm not saying any gossip about me happened at Alcoa, I'm just saying it does happen. So with all of that pressure, I became a quote unquote "perfect" person in and out of church. To be honest, I'm not sure I ever really had a chance to be a kid. Granted, I've never really had that chance due to the whole parents getting divorced thing, but still. I've never been part of my youth group. I've always been a leader. I never really felt included in anything because, as I later found out, the other youth members were intimidated by me because I had everything put together and I was perfect. When I found out that this was the reason I was never really included, it kind of broke my heart. I am still genuinely saddened by this. I never wanted to intimidate anyone. I wanted to be friends with everyone. I loved (and still do) each and everyone of those kids. They're my family. But I was an outsider to them. I had to put on this whole charade of being perfect and put together, only to have to shatter in my face.
Another negative aspect? Churches encounter drama. In my case, I had a very bad experience that really hurt me and honestly turned me from church for a little while. I suppose its one of the reasons why I've had a hard time staying in church this past summer. Its scary to go back when something that is supposed to build you up and make you safe and feel loved ends up turning on you and hurting you. Its like a bad breakup. You find yourself afraid to jump back in again.
I then began attending Saint John's United Methodist Church, a church that Alcoa is helping rebuild. My old associate pastor went there to be the pastor and he was the one I had the best relationship with. Don't get me wrong, my Alcoa pastor rocks and I've got a good relationship with him, too, but Pastor Bill was the one who was knee deep in belief that the youth needed the attention and love the most. He truly believed in us and gave us a chance. He even let me preach a sermon! He's awesome. So I went there, and began to lead music right off the bat. And I think that is where I went wrong. Instead of getting to know me as Sarah, they got to know me as the girl who has it all together who sings with Joey on Sunday. And I don't want to be that anymore. So I haven't been back to Saint John's in a while, and I intend to go back soon, but I've not had the chance. I had to separate myself.
So the past little bit I've gone through sadness of not having a youth group anymore and not having Jesus time on Wednesdays. I've not had a solid group to go to. I used to go to youth every Wednesday, but since I graduated, I can't go anymore. Which honestly? Its a shame. You keep kids in youth type services all their life then when they graduate they get kicked out the door. Alcoa has a young adult group but its not got an age focus. We need a college age group, a young married couples group, and a new family group. You can't really bunch all those ages together and get anything done well enough for each age group! Its just doesn't work that way. Each group is at a different level in life than the other. Too much clashing. Anyways. On top of needing a youth group type thing to attend, I'm in need of a church. So here is me: a timid, broken, newly engaged, college freshman who feels sad and alone and in need of a church family that knows her as the person she is, not the person she is when she is leading music.
Two Wednesdays ago I went to Sevier Heights The Walk for college age kids. There were so many people, it was crazy. We walk up and there is a welcome group who finds out your name and writes it down so you have a name tag. Then they welcome you in with smiles on their faces, because they're genuinely happy you made it! We walk in the room and I felt like I was back in Atlanta. I was totally at Passion City Church. So many high schoolers and college age students. Everyone there to worship God and learn more about His love. The music was great, they even played "Our God"! The speaker is very humble and there are no secrets with him. He's very straightforward with all of us. His message really hit home. So then at the end of the service he informs us that this whole team of volunteers spent the last 45 minutes washing all of our cars. That act of love meant so much to my heart. I cried. These strangers I've never met in my life that don't know a thing about me spent their time rushing through the parking lot trying to get each car clean. Oh, but that's right, you don't know how many cars there were because you possibly don't know how big Sevier Heights is and how big their parking lot is. Here, I'll show you:
You see, I've grown up at Alcoa United Methodist Church. They've helped raise me into the woman I am today. They've helped establish my beliefs and welcomed me to God. But one issue I think that comes with being a leader in a church is that I'm not very sure that many, or any for that matter, really know who I am. Ever since my sophomore year of high school I've been leading music. I started out in youth band at the beginning of my sophomore year, then went on to early service on Sunday mornings. Junior and Senior year Zach and I were the youth band leaders. So I've been leading during the most important parts of my transition into adulthood and who I am as a person. Now that I've been through it all, I'm not so sure its really the healthiest thing for most young people.
When you're leading anything in a church you're put on a pedestal. People expect more out of you and expect you to be "perfect" in a sense. Yes, it is even expected of teenagers. If you make mistakes, you get talked about. On occasion someone will come talk to you, but most of the time, the talking goes on behind your back. And before I go on I want to say that I'm not saying any gossip about me happened at Alcoa, I'm just saying it does happen. So with all of that pressure, I became a quote unquote "perfect" person in and out of church. To be honest, I'm not sure I ever really had a chance to be a kid. Granted, I've never really had that chance due to the whole parents getting divorced thing, but still. I've never been part of my youth group. I've always been a leader. I never really felt included in anything because, as I later found out, the other youth members were intimidated by me because I had everything put together and I was perfect. When I found out that this was the reason I was never really included, it kind of broke my heart. I am still genuinely saddened by this. I never wanted to intimidate anyone. I wanted to be friends with everyone. I loved (and still do) each and everyone of those kids. They're my family. But I was an outsider to them. I had to put on this whole charade of being perfect and put together, only to have to shatter in my face.
Another negative aspect? Churches encounter drama. In my case, I had a very bad experience that really hurt me and honestly turned me from church for a little while. I suppose its one of the reasons why I've had a hard time staying in church this past summer. Its scary to go back when something that is supposed to build you up and make you safe and feel loved ends up turning on you and hurting you. Its like a bad breakup. You find yourself afraid to jump back in again.
I then began attending Saint John's United Methodist Church, a church that Alcoa is helping rebuild. My old associate pastor went there to be the pastor and he was the one I had the best relationship with. Don't get me wrong, my Alcoa pastor rocks and I've got a good relationship with him, too, but Pastor Bill was the one who was knee deep in belief that the youth needed the attention and love the most. He truly believed in us and gave us a chance. He even let me preach a sermon! He's awesome. So I went there, and began to lead music right off the bat. And I think that is where I went wrong. Instead of getting to know me as Sarah, they got to know me as the girl who has it all together who sings with Joey on Sunday. And I don't want to be that anymore. So I haven't been back to Saint John's in a while, and I intend to go back soon, but I've not had the chance. I had to separate myself.
So the past little bit I've gone through sadness of not having a youth group anymore and not having Jesus time on Wednesdays. I've not had a solid group to go to. I used to go to youth every Wednesday, but since I graduated, I can't go anymore. Which honestly? Its a shame. You keep kids in youth type services all their life then when they graduate they get kicked out the door. Alcoa has a young adult group but its not got an age focus. We need a college age group, a young married couples group, and a new family group. You can't really bunch all those ages together and get anything done well enough for each age group! Its just doesn't work that way. Each group is at a different level in life than the other. Too much clashing. Anyways. On top of needing a youth group type thing to attend, I'm in need of a church. So here is me: a timid, broken, newly engaged, college freshman who feels sad and alone and in need of a church family that knows her as the person she is, not the person she is when she is leading music.
Two Wednesdays ago I went to Sevier Heights The Walk for college age kids. There were so many people, it was crazy. We walk up and there is a welcome group who finds out your name and writes it down so you have a name tag. Then they welcome you in with smiles on their faces, because they're genuinely happy you made it! We walk in the room and I felt like I was back in Atlanta. I was totally at Passion City Church. So many high schoolers and college age students. Everyone there to worship God and learn more about His love. The music was great, they even played "Our God"! The speaker is very humble and there are no secrets with him. He's very straightforward with all of us. His message really hit home. So then at the end of the service he informs us that this whole team of volunteers spent the last 45 minutes washing all of our cars. That act of love meant so much to my heart. I cried. These strangers I've never met in my life that don't know a thing about me spent their time rushing through the parking lot trying to get each car clean. Oh, but that's right, you don't know how many cars there were because you possibly don't know how big Sevier Heights is and how big their parking lot is. Here, I'll show you:
This is the inside of the church, their sanctuary. So, imagine this whole church filled with teenagers and how many cars that brings. Over 700 cars. In 45 minutes. Do you understand why this act of love means so much to me now? I've never experienced something like that before with a church, ever. So naturally I went back again this past Wednesday. The music was just a good and the sermon hit home even harder than the last. I'm planning on joining a small group there. So all thanks to God I have found a youth group. I have a youth home.
Now for church. Last week I visited FaithPromise church. It was good, but it wasn't what I needed. The sermon was awesome. It was something I could understand and the message hit home with me. I think it was the music maybe, or maybe just that there weren't enough people, I'm not sure. But something was off. So not this Sunday but the next I'm going to be visiting Vineyard. I went there off and on for around a year and I love Aaron McCarter and his wife. They're sweet people. I plan to visit High Praises and Sevier Heights before we (as in Rob and I) decide on a church home. I know I'll find it eventually, its just a matter of searching.
So if you don't mind, I would love your prayers (I seem to ask for your prayers a lot!) that I find a church home, and that God continues to work the miracles He's working in my life. I'm so thankful for Him. And I'm so thankful for the opportunity to worship Him freely and love Him and have a chance to search out my church home.
I love all of you at Alcoa and Saint John's if you're reading this, by the way. I'll still be at Alcoa every other Sunday to work and I'll come visit at Saint John's some when I can! Thank you all for your support. It means a lot to me.
xoxo
S.Graciebelle<3
